From almost a month and
a half now, I can say I have lived more than what I have lived in my last 20 years
of my life. The way I use to presume others, the way I felt my connection with
others, with each and every minutest thing this universe has, the cosmos (in short with everything)....
Okay, so now is the time
to get a bit more transparent, about me!
Who am I?
I have read somewhere in
the recent past how we normal lay persons use to introduce themselves by simply
quoting name, schooling, future career plans, family background, hobbies, marriage plans, jobs etc
that's it?
I mean aren't
these things highly superficial?
Why no-one wants to know who actually that
person is, what are the ideals, what drives that person to become what he/she
wants too...what makes that life go crazyyy... why society starts judging a
life merely through scores and money?
I hate this mentality.
I hate these shallow
talks.
I hate small mean talks.
Yes, I hate them to the
core.
I wanna love
spending hours, days, months, years and even decades having deep conversations
about my flaws, strengths, mistakes, life, aliens, death, sex, magic, love,
pain, rockets, faraway galaxies, poets, literature, mythology, secrets, lies
which I haven't told anyone, what crays me to move ahead, what keeps me up all
night, about my dreams, childhood, prince charming, happiness, creating value
under all circumstances....
Everything which will
grow my life intellectually...talks which can make me wonder about the greater
cosmos than being consumed by my own self created lesser shell which is as tiniest as the dew drop.
So, what I have now
planned now, is to finally cast off the transient and reveal the truth, by stop
living to make others feel pleased.
In my 20 years of life, I have each day
lived in an accord to make others feel comfortable in my domain, by excusing,
pleasing so that they don't feel isolated or being ignored.
And I am not saying any
of these things out of arrogance, but instead because I am a part of it: of the
much more greater entity than anything. I want to be as pure and true as
possible.
I have forgotten that I
myself is the greatest cosmos: the universe.
So, this was all what
shift I have bought in these days of self-realization.
A quite flashback...
I was having a very tough time in my high schooling this semester with my closest of colleagues, and I
being an emotional fool whose soul is always bound to do stupid acts which
makes it regretting for days, month and I never know it can even carry till
decades. But the thing is carrying a regret is the worst feeling one can even
have its like the darkest of stain on a cloth which even after washing cannot
fade away but can only fade with time. something similar is the case there's
one very very close friend of mine which is "supposedly" my best
friend started acting very differently, ignoring and started neglecting me
completely because I have done some seriously evil thing to that friends future
soul mate, and even to others. I myself was left alone, clueless, surrounded by
people who were judging me by others gossips...each and every eye staring at me
was shouting saying only one word evil...evil...evil...
shattered,directionless, burning in the flames of my own self-pity, fighting
with each and every nerve and fiber to rescue from this darkest hour, some
shrouded thoughts even guided to hurt myself while some sent signals to escape
this period and stay in isolation. But who can lead a happy life in isolation?
After a rigorous day and
night struggle and fight with my each and every body cells, with my entire being, with
each and every fiber directing to pull myself from my own vicious shackle of
self-pity, with my half environment claiming to be a villian and half of my
environment banging my soul, my brain to free myself from the shackles of self
pity and emerge out as a hero of the world. How ironic, it was!
Somewhere deep down in
one of the tiny part of my heart I was convinced that this has come to make me
grow better as a person. I was left with two situations either to go to those
half of the environment which thinks me as an evil soul and give justifications
and verification's proving myself innocent ( And I knew people only listen what
"they" want to listen) and the other being staying quiet, moving
ahead, extracting the essence out of the entire scenario and work on becoming
stronger, capable and a more wise individual.
I opted the second one,
staying quiet and that to for a chirpy bird is next to impossible...polishing
on my own self needs lots of courage and patience, Even the people whom I call
as my so called true friends till date are in a dilemma of having trust on me,
why not? Because they are a part of the same environment, Obviously, they
believe in what they see and the wise person see what others cant see (Though, I myself
had also thought in the same accord). Ahhh such complications. Nevertheless, initially it was
toughest, gloomiest and can say darkest time of my entire 20 years of life, but
now I can re assure that I have become so much of more sensitive towards
others, kind and have completely changed from a judgmental person to a highly
caring soul, who now understands others psychology to such an extent
that now I don't derive any conclusion just by merely seeing things and assumptions.
But the most bereaved thing is
that, my close friend of mine has lost somewhere, somewhere where it is difficult to reach, where normal talks has transferred into formality, I can clear out things, but I don't
feel like, because I don't want any relation to withstand only by giving justifications and self-defense statements.... the relations should be based on unfathomable trust and love... not on harboring doubts....
Through this I have come to know that, the universe has created
us with a consciousness that has all the power to reach out to the deepest
darkest parts of the universe. It has gifted us with it and given us the capacity
to take in the grandness of our existence and our synchronicity and further
reach out to our thinking to as many universes and as far as we allow ourselves
to reach out. The closer we stay to this synchronicity with the rhythm of the universe, the more we embrace the universe we sustain ourselves, and the the greater connection we foster with the same. Then, our existence however small it may be becomes grander in all of its essence as it throbs along the beautiful synchronizing rhythm of a more apparent chaotic universe in all of its intricacies- The cosmic. Our humility accepting our being as a part of a greater existence is what will eventually, and always, lifts us up. It is not going to be a fancy invention in the future. Instead, it is the fancy existence of the consciousness, our conscious, which will and does truly lift us up, as we embrace our inherent and apparent universality. After all, you are a part of this universe, not apart from it.
Yes, I and You are the "UNIVERSE" itself.
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