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A solace within!

In my 21 years of life I have completely ascertained that- I am my best friend. Regardless of what all I lack, where I am, Who I am, whether low or high, lost or happy, directionless or determined, no-matter in which darkest sphere of my life I am in- weather I like it or not. It doesn't matter weather I recognize it or not- I am always there for myself like a shadow. No matter how much I vagrant myself professionally and socially as I would like to hide myself, away in cozy corners of one part of the heart. No-matter who cares to follow me or not. I will be there for me weather I like it or not. Growing up I was always secluded from the crowd of peers desperately trying to fit in and trying to create bonds of friendship, I had seen in various series, films and read in books always left me fantasied about real life love and friendship. In these tales people share their deepest secrets, dance like its the only thing for what they are here, sang like this what makes them real sa...
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I AM THE "UNIVERSE"

From almost a month and a half now, I can say I have lived more than what I have lived in  my last 20 years of my life. The way I use to presume others, the way I felt my connection with others, with each and every minutest thing this universe has, the cosmos (in short with everything).... Okay, so now is the time to get a bit more transparent, about me!  Who am I? I have read somewhere in the recent past how we normal lay persons use to introduce themselves by simply quoting name, schooling, future career plans, family background, hobbies, marriage plans, jobs etc that's it? I mean aren't these things highly superficial?  Why no-one wants to know who actually that person is, what are the ideals, what drives that person to become what he/she wants too...what makes that life go crazyyy... why society starts judging a life merely through scores and money? I hate this mentality. I hate these shallow talks. I hate small mean talks. Yes, I hate them t...
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A wish!

You, Why do you suffer so? Why do you weep so much? Why do you worry thus? Suffer as you must, for the young  shoots to break through the fragrant earth and shoot up straight, Weep as you will, for you cannot help weeping, until the day that you behold the sun beyond the rainy season. Worry as you must, for until the darkness of midnight passes, you cannot behold the solemn breaking of the dawn. - Daisaku Ikeda I wonder, How amazingly poet paints the reality of life into truth through less words. How vivid and eloquent are the depths of  these people and many people from old age and at the same time some having obscure and murky ideologies! There is so much to feel about: others pains, anxieties, sorrows, struggles; there is so much to accomplish, to win over, to embrace, to love, to live, to experience...  In last three years of my life, I have learnt and see the most painful and the most beautiful lessons of my life, which if viewed fro...
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Is it too late to say I Hate You? -Mr. Freak

On this normal day in 1994, accidentally angels looked down to the earth, puzzled asking "Dafuq, how the hell did that thing pass the quality control test? Just how???" And that thing was *drumrolls please* my so called Mr. Freak "Bhaskar Singh Tomar" aka "Chupiii/chupa/champaran" or whatever the shit I wanna call at the moment! Ha-ha.... So Mr. what are you like an owl something?? Coming online, calling, texting in the midst of darkness. When everything's silent, when L'ill kids are tugged inside their tiny beds, when grown ups are taking break from the day... rises a creature so out of the world that you can't bear to see it in a broad daylight. That creature is none other than Bhaskar Singh Tomar. So well I was unfortunate enough to be his groupie since the very first year of college. Really. We would argue...fight our ways on stupid glories to prove yes I am right and you are wrong. This very game though is still continued in ou...
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LOST

That feeling of not being satisfied within kills every inch of the soul like anything. From months now, my mind is constantly hogging to achieve something, to respond something, to seek something; to revive, to live, to smile.  There is so much to learn from everyone, soo much to achieve, sooo much to love... But still this mind stop us to reveal its true potential. WHY? Because maybe I let mind master me rather than I master my mind. I am now days feeling sooo much about every aspect of my life that I am actually able to sense everything from love to pain. I feel "UNINSPIRED & LAZY". There is nothing in me to inspire anyone.  How amazingly comfortable I have become in my laziness that I have started taking things for granted. There is SOO much to write about, that I feel I am not doing justice with, I am drenching in each moment with my emotions, my struggles to overcome my fears. I have become a slob-basically I have lost faith in myself, in my potentials, in ...
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I am "OKAY"

From almost a month or two, As I was devouring the scrumptious meal  I appear to be in tune with my emotions. I didn't know if it was a truth or an illusion. Technically, I am in touch with my emotions, I know what's going on, I am okay through it all so yes that makes sense. But at the same time, I do not really know how to go about all of them.  I literally imagine myself standing in the middle and all around me everything is either going up in explosions or already has. And there I am standing there in the middle watching it all fall apart and fall to the ground as I try to make sense of it. I feel helpless and strangely powerful. I really do not know... I just do not know whatever is going down, I am unable to truly comprehend the pieces that are falling apart or even the ones that were whole to start with. But the fact that I am still standing in the middle and not completely exploding and falling apart with everything makes me feel powerful - I feel strong. T...
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A SOLACE WITHIN PAIN

Currently, I am in a state of mess where my foundational state is "okay" with sprinkles of laughter, happiness, sadness, tears and whatever else. With all the emotions mingled up together, each finding its own solace. I wonder how, interesting human condition is, in its capacity to feel and cause pain; it is very interesting and complex. The pain we cause others, the pain we cause to ourselves, the pain we feel for others, the pain we feel for ourselves and the pain we do not feel at all. Our human condition of pain is interesting. We are aware that a life without pain is not possible, yet it's hard to accept or understand pain when it comes around. We do not want pain, who wants pain (in theory at least)? But what do you do when pain is liberating? What do you when pain is what it takes to allow yourself to propel into higher life conditions, to create a stronger existence for yourself or someone else, or to liberate yourself from what you're feeling - pain or...
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